5 Common Stepmom Mistakes…

And What You Can do to Avoid Them!

Nobody wants to do the wrong thing, and I’d argue that nobody does things wrong on purpose, either! Of course, as stepmoms, we want to do right by our partner, our stepchildren, and ourselves too! But the truth is, sometimes even the most well-intentioned stepmoms can make mistakes without even realizing it!

Today we want to help you recognize 5 of the most common stepmom mistakes, help you identify if you are making (any of) them, and provide you with the necessary tools that can help to keep you on the right track! 

Let’s dive in!

Trying to Be a Mom Right Away

It’s natural to want to mother your stepchild as soon as you enter their life. After all, you love your partner and want what’s best for their child. However, it’s essential to understand that it takes time for you and your stepchild to get comfortable with each other. As with any relationship, you are building the trust that will strengthen your relationship; this doesn’t happen overnight. So rather than jumping into the “mom” role right away, focus on being a friend – one that remains consistent and that they can learn to rely on.

Comparing Your Stepchild to Your Own Children (Or Any Other Children)

Stepchildren are raised with different values and life experiences. Instead of focusing on what makes them different than your biological children, or any other child, look at what positive, unique qualities they possess. Nobody is perfect, our bio children included! Take your focus off the negative and find light in the positive. Being critical and judgmental won’t change anything!

Trying to Discipline Right Away

Disciplining your stepchild is a delicate matter that should be handled with care. In general, it’s best to let the parent handle discipline in the early days (until a strong relationship between the stepparent & stepchild has been established). That said, it’s important not to confuse discipline with asking children to be active members of the home. Establishing house rules, expectations and boundaries early on will help to create structure in the home that will provide awareness to everyone about what will and won’t be tolerated. But don’t confuse discipline with giving a gentle reminder – these are two different things! For example, suppose the expectation has been established that your stepchild put their plate in the dishwasher after a meal, and they’ve not done so. In that case, there is nothing wrong with a stepparent approaching the stepchild in a kind, gentle way and asking them to complete the task.  

Letting Jealousy Get in the Way

Admitting to feeling jealous of the ex or a stepchild can be difficult, even to ourselves! However, it’s important to acknowledge and recognize this feeling because it can majorly impact your stepfamily relationships. A stepmom’s jealousy and insecurity should never come in the way of a parent’s relationship with their child. If you feel jealous of your partner’s relationship with their child and find yourself creating barriers between them, then it’s time to take a good hard look at why that is happening. Try shifting your focus to ways to improve and strengthen your relationships (with your partner and stepchild). When you’re feeling confident in yourself and your relationships, there won’t be room for jealousy!

Many stepmoms find themselves jealous of the ex in one way or another: their history with their partner, the child they share with their partner, and sometimes it can even be things like their looks, job, or financial status. If this is the case, it’s best to go inward to gain a deeper understanding of why you feel this way. Gaining self-confidence and trust in your relationship should be the two goals if this is the case.

Being Too Hard on Yourself

Cut yourself some slack and understand that you’re going to make mistakes - we all do! These are new waters you’re navigating, so give yourself space and grace to veer off course sometimes. As long as you’re committed to being held accountable, learning, and growing, there is nothing to be ashamed of when a mistake is made. 

We hope you’ve found this not only insightful but helpful too. Remember that it takes time – months or even years to adjust to a new stepfamily dynamic – so it’s important to give yourself and everyone in your stepfamily unit space to learn and grow.