Is Your Partners Ex High Conflict?
3 Ways to Cope
Being a stepmom is complicated enough on its own, but when you add in the complications of dealing with a high-conflict ex, it can feel next to impossible!
You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Or maybe you feel like you’re constantly under surveillance when your stepchild is around.
You may fear that your stepchild will be turned against you by their high-conflict parent… or maybe they already have been.
You might feel like your partner is prioritizing the ex and their wild demands over you, and your relationship is suffering because of it.
Or that the progression of your relationship with the stepkids is at a standstill because of conflict created by the ex.
Or maybe it’s that you had an expectation of what you thought your relationship would be like with the ex, and it’s turned out to be the complete opposite!
All of this has left you feeling resentful, frustrated, overwhelmed, and ultimately lost in terms of how to cope.
While we understand it’s impossible to be rid of the conflict and challenges you face with the high conflict ex, we know there are a few things you can do that will lessen the blow to your peace.
Tip #1: Communicate with Your Partner
Your partner doesn’t see life through the same lens as you, which is why communication is imperative! If you feel unheard or aren’t being prioritized the way you think you should be, communicate this to your partner. Help them understand your thoughts and feelings. Chances are, if you’re able to listen to one another’s perspectives, you’ll have a greater understanding of why your partner says or does what they do, and they can gain better insight as to why those things make you feel the way they do. Leaving these things to resolve on their own won’t work and will, most definitely, cause even more resentment, frustration, and hurt.
Tip #2: Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries with a high conflict ex is a must. This means communicating clearly about what is and is not acceptable. For example, if you don’t want the ex to call or text during certain hours, or if you don’t want them to show up unexpectedly at your house, make those boundaries clear from the start. It might take some time for the other person to respect those boundaries, but it’s essential to be firm.
Tip #3: Don’t Let the Ex Dictate How You Run Your Home
High-conflict people have a tendency to tell their ex (and the stepparent) how to parent and what rules and expectations are/aren’t acceptable in their home. At times it can be easy to fall victim to complying with the ex’s wishes in order to keep the peace. However, in doing so, resentment and frustration often build. Remember that your home is yours, and you and your partner are entitled to parent the (step)kids the way you see fit.
We understand the challenges stepparents face when a high conflict is involved. Furthermore, we know just how exhausting and overwhelming the days can be. Our hope is that by providing you with tools that assist in safeguarding yourself and your relationship, the challenges and conflicts you face will be more manageable.
